a sense of guilt gushed into me. i asked myself.. what's this guilt that im having?
i sat and thought and i realise something.. i was neglecting my sheeps.. and that i was neglecting the growth of my group.. i feel ashamed.. that i wasnt able to contribute at all.. not even one..
thinking back on how our group have grown.. i think.. we were still the same a few months before.. did we grow more christ-like? i cant even say YES.. not even maybe.. we have been the same since day one.. whats the use of us being wild and crazy during fellowship.. during worship.. during games.. but still not do anything..
im not even sure that i even have a close bond with my sheeps..
i feel that i havent been putting in my full effort at all.. sometimes.. i feel as though i cant teach my sheeps well..
joshua still doesnt learn from every teachings.. qk still havent grown in maturity..
im not saying that they are bad or anything.. but like what ppl say.. what you reap is what u sow.. have i been taking everything lightly?
since camp.. till now.. we havent even grown.. i feel like a failure and not worthy as a shepherd.. being unable to teach my sheeps well.. they even tell things to other people which they dont tell me.. and how i find things out? through other people.. THIS SHAME OF GETTING INFORMATION THROUGH OTHERS IS FRUSTRATING! this basically shows how CLOSE I AM with my sheeps.. dont think i should even be a shepherd..

-Joshua-