Just got back from ACE camp. Fun? yes. Tiring? Yes!
How does climbing 510m everyday TWICE and sometimes an extra 4Km sound to you?
I didnt know that being an ACE leader, i had to suffer so much.
Man. At times i wish that i was the participants and not the leaders.
HOWEVER! lucky for us leaders, we got the chance to BUY food! while participants got to stare at us as we feasted on snacks, fries etc..
Throughout the whole camp, the most amazing thing i saw was a shooting star.
It reminded me of my past and yes of course like what everyone would do. I made a wish. Well. i Guess it came through?
Did many self reflection to myself and observed the people around me and realise that we tend to change into maniacs after stressful times.
As soon as we touched Singapore. I turned GAY! haha. Happy.
However i felt rather irritated. Not knowing why, i went back home and rested. (Not!)
i played games! and realise how much i have deproved. Oh Great!~
Now. All i can think of was the beautiful Night Sky at Malaysia (Kluang) and the Stars which were all over the Sky.

If Only Time Could Have Freezed There and Then
JosHua~

a sense of guilt gushed into me. i asked myself.. what's this guilt that im having?
i sat and thought and i realise something.. i was neglecting my sheeps.. and that i was neglecting the growth of my group.. i feel ashamed.. that i wasnt able to contribute at all.. not even one..
thinking back on how our group have grown.. i think.. we were still the same a few months before.. did we grow more christ-like? i cant even say YES.. not even maybe.. we have been the same since day one.. whats the use of us being wild and crazy during fellowship.. during worship.. during games.. but still not do anything..
im not even sure that i even have a close bond with my sheeps..
i feel that i havent been putting in my full effort at all.. sometimes.. i feel as though i cant teach my sheeps well..
joshua still doesnt learn from every teachings.. qk still havent grown in maturity..
im not saying that they are bad or anything.. but like what ppl say.. what you reap is what u sow.. have i been taking everything lightly?
since camp.. till now.. we havent even grown.. i feel like a failure and not worthy as a shepherd.. being unable to teach my sheeps well.. they even tell things to other people which they dont tell me.. and how i find things out? through other people.. THIS SHAME OF GETTING INFORMATION THROUGH OTHERS IS FRUSTRATING! this basically shows how CLOSE I AM with my sheeps.. dont think i should even be a shepherd..

-Joshua-