hello.. =) those who have found my blog..
have been real down i guess.. worried that everything i do will fail..
i was upset that quan kai is not coming to service and not answering my calls and messages.. i had high hopes for him.. i believed that one day i will see a roll with queensway students..

well.. met up with yk last friday and went to play soccer at redhill..
after the whole game the fairsians, yk, zachary and i went home..
told zachary that i did not really feel like doing anything etc etc...
told him about quan kai.. hoping that he will reply and etc..
when zachary and i boarded the marina bay train.. he asked me a question that hit me hard..
why let one person control your faith.. your future?
when he backslides... why do u follow?
and suddenly God talked to me..
he told me to move on.. but still believe that qk will come back one day..
i should not only concentrate on 1 tree when there is a forest out there waiting to be saved..
i have decided to evangelise.. at queensway sec.. though i do not feel confident.. but i will still do it..
and i hope that if i do that.. qk will come back and do what i believe he can do..
pioneer queensway sec..

to some people it is all talk.. but i believe i can do this..
i have to get out of my comfort zone..
hope that jin qi and yk will be able to help me as well..
as.. im still not sure to how to evangelise.. =x..

well.. hmm.. there is a mix of feelings in me..
and it feels weird..

a question popped out in my head...
where are my friends?
i realise.. i've been there for most of my friends when they are down...(if i happen to find out)
..have i? or am i living in my own world?
am i irritating?..or am i trying too hard to help people that they dont see what i am really trying to do?
when im down.. where are my friends?
well there are only 6 people i know who will be there..
1. my parents (2)
2. my sister (1)
3. marcus (1)
4. denise (1)
5. Yun Kai (1)
6. Jin Qi (1)
7. God (1)

why cant i have a conversation with people for even 5 mins?
i dont really see the reason to why i should be using msn..
no one talks to me.. only yk..
what do i do when im online? looking at people's nick..
figuring out why are they feeling down.. talk to them and ask them..
help them but talking to them..
and after that.. they will start to talk to me.. but..
soon after that... *poof* we wont be talking again..

i guess im just some kinda of a temporary friend who goes around helping others..

note* im just letting out how i feel... no offends...

keith.. how do u manage to keep talking to others?
people like.. !!*..

sometime i ask myself.. am i jealous of keith.. and the respond is.. yes..
is it because of his regular conversation with !!*? or is it because many people around me are asking me about keith?

i dont know..

things have been real rough for me.. i dont know.. like i said mixed feelings...
haiz.. i even lost my wallet.. wow.. how great -.-...
lucky for me i didnt take my atm from my mum -.-...
if not i will be in deep shyt..
hope that everything will be fine soon..

*joshua*
*evAngel