11/9/2006
the night before... i had a horrible headache... and decided to take a nap... next day.. i realise that u slpt as u were dizzy... wow... nvm... what brightened up my day was ur sms... and i was smiling happily the whole day.. during break inbetween sessions... i will take out my bible and start reading.... everyone in class called me siao... except of one who said that i have changed my ways.. i sang worship songs during classes... and during info skills... out teacher did not come thus we were "free"... everyone had their private conversation or games... while i sat drawing.. writing out songs and feelings in me... and out of the blue... came out ur name...
i was wondering why.. as i was in a daze... hearts were all around the place.. and so was hope church singapore... 4jyk... floorball... friends from church... i was happy throughout the day... and when school was over, i rushed home for tuition.. and after tuition.. i did not feel well.. and went online... but msn was out of service... thus i had to use windows messanger... those who were smart enough used windows... a few ppl come online and i called keith.. told him my problems... as i realise that i still liked her... and i could not get her off my mind... i decided to go slp after that... and send her a sms... though she mentioned... i was rather confused... and waited for her reply.. but.. she didnt reply... that is what she always do... and i dozed off.. woke up at 1 feeling hot.. and looked at my hp.. 2 message.. neither from her... i became upset and did not reply any messages and fell aslp..

12/9/2006

i woke up feeling all empty.. i was looking around... and did not know where i was.. i banged my face into the wall while walking out of the room.. as i dazed around... i was empty and i did not know what was happening in my surroundings... when i reach school.. i was still as blurr as ever... even after flag raising... when we went back to class.. i slowly gain my senses... dirty jokes were being spread around.. and my form tutor was too participating... we did a composition... and while typing this.. i just remember i did not bring my hw back home... Great... im so screwed... wish i was dead... anw.. after maths and lit.. we went down for recess.. there.. my teacher was praising me for i had changed alot and said that i was enthusiastic... normally.. i will smile and act blur.. but i did not bother about his comments and looked about... i was still lost... my friends in class said that i was very different and said they missed the old me.. and while im typing this.. my concern friend is asking me the same question... to me.. its not that my faith in god is what makes me feel different.. but its the inside... went for pe after recess... i ran barefoot.. and thus.. there was a blister and my blister... after that... i had to borrow my friends slippers.. and i wore a shoe on my right foot and a slipper on the left.. and walked around class... my chinese teacher thought i was playing a fool.. but i did not say anything... i became a joker by singing stupid songs which made the teacher laugh.. and in a way irritated that she pinched me on the back several times.. and she walked away after that.. she returned us the test paper we did last term and i got a 45/60.. i think im the top 5 in class.. as the first boy had 49 and my chairman had 47... i beat the chinese nerd in my class and drew with loy.. and i being a mentor had to be concern with my "client" and i checked how much he had.. and she won the chinese nerd too! but lost to me... but i clapped for him.. as he improved!...
during physics class.. i was bored to death that i fell aslp.. and was caught... after school... edmund aaron kenneth azriel daniel joshua and i went to the near by community center cafe.. where we ate lunch... it was there my vulgar self became to show itself.. i was becoming an ah beng... i controlled myself and kenneth was there complaining that i had change.. and wanted the old me back.. he said that i was mad.. and azriel said that i was all along mad... and kenneth said that i was not as lame and funny as before... thus making me more mad... i ignored them.. said grace and ate my lunch.. after lunch... samantha finally replied my message and said that she will treat me lunch at plaza... but i ate already.. still i met her.. and we studied.. i saw some hope people at bk but did not wave to them.. instead i continued to walk away.. after studying.. i played some pool and went off... samantha and her friends decided to go home and samantha said that she will treat me some black pepper rice thingy.. and at first i agreed but i decided to go home.. as being alone with her makes me think of the past.. and i was empty enough... i rushed off and took harbour front to outram and took my normal route home... when i reached home.. i bathed and change so that i could return my sister's vcd... and pay the fine... after that.. i went back home.. and my parents bought dinner for me.. i could not finish it as i did not feel like eating anything.. why? cause i was full.. full of emptyness and sorrow... i looked at myself in the mirror and reflected... and i decided to try my best to forget her.. as i was adviced to move on and forget about the past... even if there was a possibility of a patch up.. we still have to be ourselves... not only that.. she told me to feel my emptyness by looking for someone else... it was easier said than done... ( li bu cong xin)... that was wad i thought.. should i continue with church.. im not sure.. i will sure to attend cg... wad about floorball?... everytime i see her.. memories appears... and i cant help it but think of her..

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way
(take it to the chorus)

[Chorus]
Come here girl, go head be gone with it
Come to the back, go head be gone with it
VIP, drinks on me
Lemme see what you're twerking with
Look at those hips
Make me smile
Go 'head child and get your sexy on

I'm bringin' sexy back
Them other fuckers don't know how to act
Girl let me make up for all the things you lack
Because you're burning up I got to get it fast

(Take it to the bridge)

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

(take it to the chorus)
Come here girl, go head be gone with it
Come to the back, go head be gone with it
VIP, drinks on me
Lemme see what you're twerking with
Look at those hips
Make me smileGo 'head child and get your sexy on

I'm bringin' sexy back
you mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that's your girl, baby watch your back
Cuz you're burning up for me and that's a fact