Time To Confess....
why have i been having this "mood swing"

Bad Memories... a sense of lonelyness... pissed...most of it comes from depression...

the truth is that im still not over you... still think of you?..
trying to get over it...
some say.. find someone else?...
and thats kinda impossible...
if it was that easy.... i would have done it...
but... its unfair for the opposite party...

some people say that its normal for me to go from one girl to the other....
do they know me... if i've done that in the past... its because i did not take a relationship seriously..
i've been thinking to myself... why cant i get over you...
i still cant find the answer... if you know why... please... tell me why...
the thought of leaving church for the time being came across my head as well...
you say that its your fault..
but its not... if u remember... carefully...
i did say that i will try to help you get over... but.. i didnt...
everytime i hear you telling me about... i listen.. and do not give any comments...
why?... i know that you missed...

ever since than.. i've been crying... thinking...
i had to hold back my tears everytime...
im trying ways to stop me from crying...
everytime i see you.. i have the urge of being with you but...no...
even when i was determine to forget about you.. i just couldnt..
in the past... to me a break up was really nothing as i felt nothing.. while the opposite party was crying and depressed.. and i did not understand why...
well... now i do...

trying to stay happy my smiling to everyone and make a fool of myself... but when i reach home.. i feel lonely again..
everyday... i sit by the computer... not playing... but thinking...
your blog was the only way for me to know what was happening to you..
everytime i talk to you... you tell me about... and yet i kept quiet...
i try to make myself happy by telling myself that you were alright and living well...
and hope you are.. if.. makes you happy.. than so be it...
everytime you ask me... what you can do.. so that i will become my "normal" self...
well.. there is really nothing you can do...

some people tell me to ask for a patch...
that idea have not appear in my head at all... i DONT even dare to think of it...
to me... its obvious that history will be repeating itself... and i will be hurting myself...
not only that.. the pain will be even deeper...

sleeping late every day...
i did not share how i feel at all.. only with keith...
he was to me one who understands..
IF you happen to come across this blog.. congratz.. you have come to a website where i always let out my feelings and thoughts..
and to the others... dont be an a**hole by asking me any questions...

today... i did not even slp at all.. went home and used the com.. and talked to yk...
went to tiong to study.. did not smile at all during the trip to tiong.. and when i arrive.. i went to kfc to meet yk, david, mel and jem... after that.. we went to bk... we sat away from the girls and i did my chinese and maths questions.... i bought sprite ( tasted like barley with sprite ) and a bk fish meal.. and the coke tasted weird as well... did my work and messed around... walked about.. visited the toilet serveral time and kping my friend accompanied... since she was bored... when the day was coming to a close.. joel told us that there was only two people left... i went to investigate.. and i realise that the others have left.. leaving clara and sin yee...
i walked back and did my work... they wanted to eat the last sweet and did not as i stepped on it before.. since clara did not hear me saying that i've stepped on it.. she going to eat it.. and i told her.. and they next thing you know.. she threw the box at me.. i did not tell her to eat RIGHT...
did the last question and we left... i was suppose to go home for dinner... but i decided to tag along with the rest... and ate dessert while they had their dinner...when the guys and gals were busy ordering their food... i was sitting alone at the table tending on their stuffs.. as i sat there.. i thought to myself.. and i cried.. when i notice jq and sy returning to their sit.. i immediately wiped off my tears and acted "normal"... when jarvin returned with his food.. i went to order my dessert.. said grace and ate... after the whole thing.. i had a massive brain freeze and decided to return home.. jq accompanied me.. and we waited for the train.. and clara came down.. i wanted to walk away to the end of the train.. but i did not want show that i wanted to be left alone... thus i just lean against the glass and looked out... soon pasir ris train came.. and clara boarded the train.. i looked at the reflection of the glass and saw boon lay mrt arriving.. thus i boarded and kept queit.. listening to my mp3... jq and i entered marina bay and sat.. when i step out of the train.. i rushed home... and wanted to be alone... reached home.. on the computer... warmed my dinner.. and ate.. after dinner i used the computer.. but my dad wanted to use it.. thus i took a shower and came out.. and used the computer... life sucks..