My Right Eye Have Been Twitching For The Past Few Days...
some say that something bad is coming my way...
some say that i just need some slp...
some say that i will do badly for my english...
i just hope that i will die...

29/9/2006
the last day of the week... floorball was on... i thought that all i need was a little floorball and i will be happy and cheerful... guess thats not the case... i played badly... i right hand became stiff and cold again... haiz... anw... went for psl meeting today... gave them our sizes for the psl shirt and collected the form for our psl camp... cant wait for the post exam activities... and another question struck me... when will i be going back to hope?.. and i ready?... hmmm...
Edmund is really irritating me... he goes around disturbing people and refuse to listen to the lesson... and start his own private conversation.. during bio class.. at the back of the class... there was about 5-7 people gathering together... slping... that was the slping corner (the back right of the class) and at the left side was the laughing group.. where they make up silly jokes and start laughing... i was at the center... sitting with kevin and kenneth... who was surprisingly not slping... instead of listening to the crap the teacher was saying.. we did our own study on bio... haiz... i think im gonna do badly... someone help me to study T.T... late at night after floorball.. i went home by myself as i did not want to join the others for dinner as i did not have the appetite... having a bad flu... sore throat... blah blah... gonna die soon...
haiz... when i reach lot1.. bought kfc for dinner... 2 piece chicken meal upsize to large mountain dew change the marsh potato to cheese fries take away... haiz... went home.. ate the fries.. one chicken and i did not fill like eating le... haiz... bought a large bottle of 100 plus and drank it all... played auditionsea the whole night with jy and cleo... was having conference... and i switched off the com... was so bored that i went to my room and slpt...

30/9/2006
woke up unwillingly... my tutor was here... when he pressed the doorbell... i was like.. oh.. pls.. let this be a dream.. tooo bad.... opened the door for him and we had tution... helped him make a hotmail acc... lol... and i was like wth.. he is an IT retard?... nvm.. cant blame him if he cant catch up.... after tuition.. i basically rotted at home... did not study much... was very distracted... many thought went in and out of my mind.... and i looked at the time... hm.. should i go for service?... nvm... procrastinated infront of the computer when i know that i was suppose to be revising... instead i went to youtube and searched for mad tv.. and pranks... dotz.. what a waste of time...
after that..i read through my sec 2 tb.. and went to slp... when i woke up it was 7++++.. ate dinner... and read the tb again...
dont know how to express how i feel... though i still think of u.. i keep it to myself...
using songs to express my feelings... every song i listen have a meaning in it...haiz...
decided to go study tomorrow...

westlife- da bop bop baby

My mama said nothing would break me or lead me astray
Who would have guessed I'd let my mind drift so far away
You always said I was a dreamer now it's dead
I'm dreaming of things that's making my mind go crazy
Small things like

When I call you at home and he answers the phone
Or I get your machine and I don't hear me
When I lie in my bed with the thoughts in my head
When we danced and we sang and we laughed all night

Ooh da bop bop baby please don't let me go
Can't live my life this way
Ooh da bop bop baby please just let me know
And put my mind at ease for sure

On a love train
20 odd years now
I got off today
But nobody said the stop that I've taken
Was a stop too late
Now I'm alone I'm thinking of stupid
Hurtful small things like

When I call you at home and he answers the phone
Or I get your machine and I don't hear me
When I lie in my bed with the thoughts in my head
When we danced and we sang and we laughed all night

Ooh da bop bop baby please don't let me go
Can't live my life this way
Ooh da bop bop baby please just let me know
And put my mind at ease for sure

Maybe it's time to say goodbye
Maybe it's time to let this lie
This is when we must set things right
Now that we've gone our separate ways
I just can't live these desperate days
This is what I've been trying to say

Ooh da bop bop baby please don't let me go
Can't live my life this way
Ooh da bop bop baby please just let me know
And put my mind at ease for sure

woke up today.. and i was like omg.. i survived the night with this block nose... haiz...
dad brought me to school... went to the track immediately waiting for assembly to start...
annoucement... blah blah blah The Results Of The Psl Have Been Put Up On The Board At L1-5
i was like yes.. finally.. but.. where the hell is L1-5... and during class.. my friends sneeked out and went to check.. My appeal was approved.. yay... during recess.. i went to check who else appeal was accepted as well.. and i saw KEITH! yay.. congratz... but.. 1 problem.. if his cca teacher finds out... his may be dead... but.. hope that his training does not collide with his Psl things... having a Psl meeting tomorrow haiz... after recess was english... lalalala.. stories... and do some pse thing.. and i went to collect the passports and forms... joshua wong say that he will pass to me tomorrow nvm.. can cause tomorrow deadline.. samuel lye tells me that he left the form at home.. nvm at least he gave me his passport thingy... BUT JING FONG IS GONNA GET HELL!... HE NEVER PASS ME BOTH... and the best part is... HE HAVENT EVEN RENEW HIS PASSPORT!... say wad.. NO TIME... my ***... everytime will see him online.. gave him 2 weeks le leh.. NO TIME!... like he study... haiz.. duno how am i suppose to explain tomorrow...
after that was chinese... we did 1 letter and a compo.. and i wrote rubbish... i broke gabriel specs... oops sry =X... and ya.. after that.. went to lot 1 and ate ban mian with eugene.. wanted to gross him out by saying that his food was made out of ************... ( think for yourself )...
haha... talked about our primary school days... how we played like siao... and there was no worries at all... unlike now... haiz... relationships in the past did not hurt much... as we did not know much about it.. and now.. haiz... its hurts.. ALOT...
haiz.. had fever half way during school.. and was sneeZing away... haiz...
had chinese tuition after that haiz... life is so sianz... and painful...

i almost suffocated to death today... my block nose will come back to me whenever i trying to breath.. and i have to cough my lungs out...if only i suffocated to death... haiz...*= to this incident

this morning.. i was alright until i showered finish * .... gained some confidence before going to school.. had to go school by myself.. haiz... met eugene on the bus... he was talking to a "guy"... hahaha.... reach to school.. ate breakfast and drank coffee!... and went up to class.. i collected the handphones and locked them up... waited on my desk for the question sheet to be given to us... when i recieve the question sheet i was like OMG!... i did this before... and so i did the exposition and situation... and after that we went for recess..bought ice cool (peach) and went back to class.. waited for paper 2... and the comprehension was tough... die... after the whole thing *.. i collected the (photocopied) passport and forms.. haiz... went to kfc with samuel and leonard... we da bao and went to my house.. needed some company... haiz... watched stupid mad tv shows on youtube... laugh like siao.. while eating la... and they went off... a few minutes ltr *.... after a while * again... haiz... played audition.. haiz... and now... my parents tell me they nv help me buy dinner... why?.. cause my stupid sister anyhow tell them that i bought my own dinner... ar... gastric...

i gotta make a decision...
what should i do?...
i cant move on... should have died because of *... haiz...
everything is getting from bad to worst..

I used to call you my girl
I used to call you my friend
I used to call you the love
The love that I never had

When I think of you
I dont know what to do
When will I see you again?

Chorus: I miss you like crazy
Even more than words can say
I miss you like crazy
Every minute of everyday
Girl, I'm so down when you're love's not around
I miss you
Miss you
Miss you
I miss you like crazy

You're all that I want
You're all that I need
(You're all that I need)
Can't you see how I feel?
Can't you see that my pain's so real?

When I think of you
I dont know what to do
When will I see you again?

Repeat Chorus x2

I miss you like crazy
(Repeat until fade)

woke up with a bad sore throat... flu... and my knee injury came back while running during pe...
terrible headache... restless nights... tired me...

went to school today... had attire check... lucky i cut my hair... and i had to pull up my socks.. i think the teachers are blind la... some guys did not cut their hair also cannot see... haiz... somemore say that my class is perfect... lol... my ***... had to collect the (photocopied) passport... and still some haven pass up.. now good lor.. joshua wong dad says that it takes 3 days for the passport to extand... MY *** la... now i duno wad to do with him le... than i wanted collect the form.. that arthur pissing me off.. everytime ask for things from him.. he always tell me to collect it from him tomorrow... and i had to pass it up today!.. idiot.. shouted at him... dam piss.. tomorrow got english exam... very scared... im afraid that i will screw up my comprehension... haiz... feel like dieing... suffering like shyt... today... maths.. it was ok... but when lit lesson started.. i was dam pissed with my teacher... scolding us.. just because edmund that idiot keeps on talking... and he always acts blur when the teacher asks him to get out of the class.. after lit was recess and than had pe... played a stupid marble game.. did not bother to aim and just anyhow throw.. and than had chinese... wa... edmund act big again... took azriel prefect tie and wore it.. samuel lye and azriel were punished... and than came to bio... the teacher ar... haiz... dun even know what is she saying... everyone dun even know that she is even teaching... haiz.. she is like talking to herself... try to do the bio paper.. i forgotten everything!... i must have forgotten about it when i tried to forget about sth... as it was somehow related...
after school.. went for lunch with eugene ate at kfc.. and he told me he was gay and was determine to stay single till 16... HAHA... joke....
Argh..! english english english... english english english...

Until The Time Is Through- 5ive

Now and forever
Until the time is through

I can't believe it
I don't know where to start no baby
So many questions
Deep inside my heart

Bridge:
Give me a moment before you go
There's something you ought to know

Chorus:
Baby now and forever
Until the time is through
I'll be standing here
Waiting and never give up my faith in you
Trying to make it clear
Without your love I'd be half a man
Maybe one day you'll understand
Now and forever
Until the time is through

I'll be waiting...

How can I tell you so that you can see
Love has a meaning
When you are here with me
(When you are here with me, baby)

(Bridge)

(Chorus)

There is no one to comfort me
Here in my cold reality
I'm searching for words
What can I say to make you see?

Baby now, until time is through, I'll be here girl (2x)

(Chorus)

okie.. not going to type everything out... sat.. i went to my last service... and had fun.. played lan... ya.. sunday.. i stayed at home.. did some work.. played dota.. ya... and i cut my hair.. and i look like a dammmm retard T.T... oh ya.. i gained weight! omg.. 2kg!

ok.. TODAY...
woke up.. sooo dammm hazzyyy!!! it was like omg.. MY THROAT HURTS! and why? cause of the dam HAZE!!! okok.. went to school and it rained! no assembly.. one good news... and went to class.. wa... tried to collect my classmates passports(info) but some nv bring.. joshua wong the best la... nv go to extend... die liao... had geog.. did map reading... jing fong ruler is a killer... so hard to read his ruler marking... i had to strain my eyes to look at the markings.... omg... gave up and borrowed alex ruler.. went for guitar class... joshua was busy drumming on the guitar.. and i was at a side playing... shiok... went for english .. this wednesday ... english exams XD... wish me luck =)... after that.. went for recess... had 2 servings... my throat was still hurting like mad.. haiz.. after recess 2 free periods.. why? cause my teacher had nothing to teach and there was no pe because of the weather... sad... but kinda lucky.. why?.. i did not bring my pe shirt... had maths... woah.. did a math worksheet... had pse... and went home... waited for eugene and samuel koh.. and we went for lunch at lot1.. and after lunch.. we were on the way out.. and i saw my sis..so i walked with my sister home... haiz... they were playing magjong.. haiz... and i had to have tuition.. went online... ya..
ive decided to wear a cap... cause i look like a retard...
what is happening to the cg... haiz...
exams... stressful... I WANT FLOORBALL!!! argh!!! and my sis keeps bugging me for the com... haiz.... sianz

I was almost late for school.. reached to school on time...
passed my PSL appeal form to my cca teacher...
went to class.. i felt very troubled in the inside... but i just did not want to show it..
i took every chance i had to think.. my geog teacher entered... she did not feel well at all.. hope that she recovers...
did map skills during geog.. did ook.. and had maths after that... the maths questions were understandable...
after that was chem.. had a short test.. and i think i did ok ba...
after chem was recess... i bought my food and ate fast.. we crowded around my tutor and listened to what he had to say...
after recess was english.. we went through our exposition.. and laughed about john.. and still he continues to pluck his hair off his face... pls la john your seriously not being cool at all...
later we had double chinese period... once again edmund thinks he can do whatever he wants...
we had our listening test for EOY and still he can laugh like siao.. walks around the class... fight..
hurried the comprehension we had to do and went off with elton and eugene...
on the bus i took out my bible and read... bought kfc with eugene and went home.. i sat at home looking at the computer and felt rather sad...
had chinese tuition at 4.. did my work and after that i just continue using the computer...
haiz.. my mother still continues to scold me.. and i realise she is scolding me because my sister doesnt want to come home... -.-... and goes around saying that we hate her.. wth.. i tomorrow should have hair check.. i asked her to cut my hair.. and she told me to go to the barber.. look at the god dam time la.. see wad barber... kao.. tomorrow if i get scolding.. i will sure to get pissed..
the best part is that if tomorrow they disallow me to receive my award cause of my hair... i will really ignore her...
troubled for the pass few days...
i have always put my friends as my second piority...
every friend is important to me..
i try my best to help them.. but i end up being scolded..and hated
this saturday's service will be my last service and i dont know when i will be back... =)

Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
SomewhereI couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it though every storm
What is life, whats the use if your killed insideI'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

19/9/2006

wa.. i have to do sooo many things.. i got to tell my classmates to photocopy their passports.. gotta collect their forms for payment (ace camp) file the things up... do all my work.. sian!..
today.. first few period was alright... and after recess.. was pe.. when we were changing.. edmund.. think he very strong ar... kao go say ppl flat like wwl... kao... lets see who will be laughing few years down the road... his chest is gonna be all flappy all saggy... wad a fool... i knew that we were about to play space invaders again.. but i did not expect to play with keith class! 211... omg... team1 vs team1... team2 vs team2... keith jem and gang were at team1.. and i was in team2... so i did not get to play with them... lucky... anw.. my class were playing like mad la... my class team1 lost to 211's team1... it was my turn.. yay.. i became the captain.. ran around like siao.. and i finally caught the attacking captain! Yes!! guard the front so that no one else can get through... and when i was the attacking captain.. i manage to get 2 ppl through the whole course and get 40 points!.. and ya.. what irritated me was the Kevin siao guy.. he punched me for no reason... in the end my class won... added the points together... had handshake... and i was over there shouting at my classmates for being so arrogant.. its only a friendly game... besides they are our friends RIGHT!... haiz... if any 211 dude comes to this blog.. i apologise on my class behalf... for their stupid actions... went back to class with blisters... wa.. very pain.. took off both socks and shoes and i sat there doing all my work... slacked here and there.. after school... i gave out all LAST YEARS nafa certificate.. and some people did not receive it.. nvm.. but stupid jing fong .. play with the badges which i was giving out.. than make me short of badges.. than have to search still dare to laugh.. in the end got shouting by me.. GROW UP LA... i wanted to go meet yk at kap.. but i cannot walk cause of my blisters and i was broke.. so i decided to go home and do my work.. my msn kept on signing off... haiz... when i restart my com.. my sis took over... and what did she want to do? write blog and go out.. i went to my room.. did my work.. and fell aslp.. woke up and rushed to the com and went to msn... haiz.. no one to talk to liao.. but in the end.. sms ppl... sms sms .. than call.. talked till 12? and stopped shared some things... ya... and went to slp...

20/9/2006
today.. i recieved my appeal form for psl.. and at the end of the day i rushed and completed the form and return it to my form tutor...anw.. i collected the ace camp forms.. and a few ppl nv sign... cause the parent did not know that their signature was required... had my com studies test today.. i forgotten everything.. but i did get somethings done la.. at the last part when i was gona print.. all my data DISAPPEAR!!! WTH!~! fail liao.. must depend on my video editing...
what a wonderful way to screw up my day... during recess.. i ate like a pig.. my stomach was grumbling through out the first few lessons... had rme after recess.. my classmates were walking about.. there was no order! i cannot tolerate edmund already... who do he think he is.. walk around pushing ppl.. when want to fight.. nv fight.. kao.. during chinese lesson go change sit.. everyone in class are getting out of hand already... shirt all tucked out... exams coming already still want to go out gym.. one day if they tear their muscle.. than we will see who will be the weak one... after that was chinese... edmund was still the same.. kao.. anw.. after chinese was english... had to do summary.. and than i rushed the psl form and went to check my exposition results.. i got 20!!! yay!! grammer mistakes =P.... was like siao... but ok la... after that... slacked for a few min in school and went home.. haiz... trying to get my feelings right... i still like someone.. i gotta stand up after that great fall... and think properly again.. and oh ya... for ppl who like me.. JUST TELL ME... IM NOT GOING TO TAO U AT ALL!! IM JUST GOING TO TELL U WHAT I FEEL! OK! keeping quiet makes u feel uneasy...

Beautiful Soul - Jesse Mccartney

[Chorus]
I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

I know that you are something special
To you I'd be always faithful
I want to be what you always needed
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Your beautiful soul, yeah

You might need time to think it over
But im just fine moving forward
I'll ease your mind
If you give me the chance
I will never make you cry c`mon lets try

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

Am I crazy for wanting you
Baby do you think you could want me too
I don't wanna waste your time
Do you see things the way I do
I just wanna know if you feel it too
There is nothing left to hide

I don't want another pretty face
I don't want just anyone to hold
I don't want my love to go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul
You're the one I wanna chase
You're the one I wanna hold
I wont let another minute go to waste
I want you and your beautiful soul

You beautiful soul, yeah.

17/9/2006
Studied the whole day... but i still think that i learned nothing... went to tiong bk and did geog.. when jem and yk came.. i had shepherding... learned about metamorphasis of me... anw after shepherding.. we went for lunch.. i bought mee sua.. jem bought sardine'o... yk bought yam pie.. wonder how does it taste like... dun dare to try XD... while buying... saw hui wei and clara... and we walked off... jem and yk bought wanton noodles... while i ate my mee sua... hehex.. i irritated jem with the song sexyback by justin timberlake... after that... we went to the toilet.. omg.. the toilet was so cold that if i ever go tiong with a jacket... i will only wear it in the toilet... after the short toilet break.. we went to fairprice.. and while going down the escalator... met clara and hui wei.. again... anw.. i was busy looking for kinder SURPRISE!! and what surprised me was that yk told me they have stopped selling kinder surprise... SURPRISE!!! argh!.. yk bought blackforest chocolate.. jem bought marble chocolate.. while i bought milk chocolate... i ate like 1/3 of it and gave the rest to the gals at bk... gave me a terrible stomachache... im sick of chocolate le... XD...
when we became restless.. after all the studying... jem had shepherding.. while i borrowed yk's mp3 and listened.. i "slept" and jem had to leave... so we had a short prayer and yk and i went to foodcourt for dinner... we went to the vcd shop first.. and they were selling "take the lead" for 44.90... siao... so ex.. the movie was like 5-6 months ago?...
went to the toilet.. and came out.. looked for a sit.. called sy if they have found a sit.. and they did.. so fast... and we sat with sy and clara... bought pig liver i think and waited for clara.. who went down to buy duno wad... she was suppose to say grace.. but she did not want to... i was starving! so i just say a short grace and we ate.. muahaha... gave all the toufu to sy... haha... and went home... yk took the bus.. clara took the pasir ris train sy and i took the boon lay train.. sianz.. reach home.. talked to jessie on msn... when she replied.. i thought she was very cold to all boys.. and i slowly talk to her.. and yes.. im officially her friend... haha... she is really a mature girl.. even though she is only sec 1... =p

18/9/06
woke up and took my time to get off my bed... rushed to school while demi smsed me.. -.-
ya.. and during assembly.. one of our pe teachers was announcing about boys who have won the colours award... i suddenly remembered what was coloured award... and when he was annoucing boys from track who won the award i was keeping my finger cross... and my name was CALLED OUT YAY!!! had to meet him after assembly.. which means that i do not need to open the class room hahaha!!! suppose to go st andrew jc this friday... wa.. soo far... nvm.. went back to class and had geog... my teacher told us the importance of water.. i sat and listened attentively.. and after her class.. i wrote on my palm.. pokemon... whats up with that... lol....
next period guitar class.. WHAT!!! test!!! die... and when it was my group to present our song.. i played well.. but was confused at some parts... no thx to edmund who played slowly and joshua wong who anyhow hit the drums... siao... i think i may get an A... haha... went back for english and my form tuto went through with us a comprehension.. went for recess... and came back to class for pe... apparently.. it was raining.. sooo.. no more pe... why... cause the hall is being used for prelims... dam.... sat in class for 1h20mins... and talked about ace camp... i gave out the forms while my teacher was telling us up with details... okok.. the sad part was that he will be leaving sji the end of the year T.T... nooo...!!! dun leave!!!.... next lesson maths... omg.. i forgotten to bring my worksheet.. die.. got a little scolding.. and nvm... next lesson pse... my form tutor came in and announced the names of boys who are recommanded to be PSL... and i appealed =)...
after that.. i rushed home.. and during the trip home.. i was slping on the bus... very tired... yawnz... when i reach to cck my tutor told me that he was having a fever thus tuition was canceled.. haiz... went home went online and chat with clara... haiz... demi was smsing me.. and she told me that her friend wanted to jio me... siao... i dont even know them...
met eugene and gave him the ace camp form and went to popular to but my pen... finally... and went home... haha... nothing to do.. went to stickdeath for fun.. and did compund intrest.. and i forgotten the formula... and keith reminded me that it was PRT/100... the problem was that we forgotten what was PRT... haha... okok... typing this blog now... cause im feeling sianz... haha oh ya... soccer.. man u lost to ars ... liver lost to cheal... haha... (as i've predicted)... ok... give up hope on liver le... bb....

Quit Playing Games With My Heart - Backstreet Boys

Even in my heart, I see
You're not bein' true to me
Deep within my soul, I feel
Nothing's like it used to be

1-Sometimes I wish I could, turn back time
Impossible as it may seem
But I wish I could, so bad, baby...
Quit playing games with my heart

Quit playing games with my heart
Before you tear us apart (With my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart
I should've known from the start
Before you got in my heart (From my heart)
Quit tearing us apart (From my heart)
Quit playing games with my heart

I live my life the way
To keep you comin' back to me
Everything I do is for you
So what is it that you can't see?
(repeat 1)

Quit playing games, baby, baby
The love that we had was so strong
Don't leave me hangin' here forever
Oh baby, baby
This is not a lie, let's stop this tonight

Baby, ooh..
Quit playing games
Na, na, na...baby
Na na na na na naaah
(rpt 1...)

There Is Time For Everything...
God will heal me.. when the time comes... but when will it come
the pain to me is unbearable..
what can i do?...
to sit and cry?
to act as if im crazy?
seek for my leaders advice?
seek for comfort?
im bleeding from the inside...

went for service at expo today... samantha did not come as she was afraid that her leader will be furious... nvm.. i went to ps and look for Jem Yk And Joel... and went to look for Keith and wei jang... went to expo together and when we arrived at expo.. we were lead by zachary to the hall where we celebrated our church 15th anniversary.. after a "lively" performance... we stood up and sang praise and worship to the lord... after that we had sermon and during sermon i smsed jy and said that she dressed like a punk... and smsed sarah.. and ask her why is jessie frowning most of the time... and during sermon.. the chinese dude was translating to the people from the chinese people.. sarah being a eurasian.. thus ( not so well in her chinese)... was having problems haha... confused... haha.. nvm.. after that.. we walked to the front and jumped by singing more praise and worship as the grand finale... went for dinner at the food court near by... after our meal.. June Yk Jem Joel Sy and I played virus... ran around and soon i realise that i was the soul survival.. after that... we rest.. Joel and June chased one another... seeing who is faster... and after all that running around... Joel shirt was transparent.. and when he sat on the floor.. i realised that he spilt his pants... again... funny... went to the station and went to town.. at first i thought Sy.. June.. and the Fairfield Girls are going to town so i decided to tag along with Yk and Joel.. Jem went off instead... when we reached orchard.. i realise that the crescent gals were coming along... and the only word in my head was.. shit...
went to scott.. and there we went to coffee bean where we bought drinks... due to the lack of space.. Yk Joel and I sat at another table.. seperating us from the gals.. that was a gd thing...
but i could not help myself by looking at their direction.. and only look at one person...
when there was a table available next to them.. we changed sits.. and sat next to them.. soon.. some people left.. and we than sat together with the gals.. Joel in the other hand went off first.. i stared into space and i put my head down.. people thought i was slping.. but i was crying... when we decided to go off... i rubbed off the tears and acted "normal"... i walking pace was slow.. very slow.. and Yk and clara was next to me.. they decided to take the bus since both of them lived near one another.. and i was left alone.. i felt empty from the start and thought to myself.. hey at least Yk will be accompanying me for awhile... but since he took the bus.. i decided to take the longer mrt route home... i did not want to go home at all.. i wanted to slp over at anyone's place.. and at least have a friendly conversation... and we will get to know one another and share our problems and give each other advice.... samantha felt down and recovered just a few mins after she smsed me.. cause someone was talking to her... for me.. i was down.. jy asked me if i was able to get over the person.. but i could say was that i couldnt and instead of forgetting of her...my feelings for her grow stronger for her.. even if i dont show it...
i stood in the train and suddenly a tear rolled down my cheek... i was shocked.. i was crying.. even when i did not want to.. i realise that holding back my tears and feelings were useless.. as they will bound to come out... i wiped of the tears.. and sat down.. it grew worst.. i bowed down my head i supported it with my hand.. the tears dripped down my face and onto the floor... when i got off at cck... i stopped.. and walked home.. slowly.. i felt lonely and empty.. i thought to myself... HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO SUFFER FROM THIS PAIN!... when i got home.. i was all silent.. and did not talk much... watched a documentary on solar disasters and took a shower.. walked to the computer and cried... i went to my blog and looked... the tag board could not be read... sad... life must be so miserable.. hope i can end it all...

*if only i did not give up... if only... (regretting)

At the beginning with you

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we'd have to go through
Now here we are, I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me, I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Chorus:
And life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Life is a road now and forever wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

(Repeat Chorus)

Knew there was somebody somewhere
I need love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing is going to tear us apart

(Repeat Chorus)

Life is a road and I wanna keep goin'
Love is a river I wanna keep flowin'
Starting out on a journey

(Repeat Chorus)

In the end I want to be standing
At the beginningWith you..

missing you everyday...

my father did not bring me to school today.. and why? he gotta play golf... nvm.. at least he woke me up and dropped me at the bus stop... when i boarded the bus i saw eugene and i cant believe that i totally ignored him... went to the back.. took a sit.. and looked out of the window... when i reach school.. aaron came up to me and talked to me... and eugene was behind us.. i was sharing my sweet and eugene gotta take 2.. nvm give in to him... after that.. i bought nasi lemak and ice cool peach... love the sweetness!... muahahaha... anw.. the pe came to us and told us to buy a fruit as it was fruity friday... yay... asked loy help me buy an apple.. and he said that i do not need to pay him... went to the track for assembly.. blah blah.. pe teacher talked about fruits.. and same jokes... kinda funny.. i hurried to the class and open the door.. my chairman than entered and helped me open the windows... i collected the handphones and locked them up.. and went to my sit.. it was dark outside.. i felt tired.. and my lit teacher entered the class.. and gave us a mock quiz which consist of 20 questions.. i skipped 4 questions and did the others.. i looked at the time and hey! i had 20-30min more to do my work.. so i just went to sleep.. when i woke up i passed up my work and next period... maths.. sianz... copied what she was explaining... and the next period was chinese.. yay... something intresting... ya.. it was... we did compo.. argh!.. if we do not complete it.. we gotta stay back during recess to complete... i concentrated on my work while people like edmund was fooling around... i was the first to complete the paper and i walked around the class till it was time for recess.. i was the only one who completed... thus i stood at the class door and waited for someone to pei wo... and my teacher said that wo ying jun xiao sa.. and i was hournored.. and soon jarrold complete his work and we walked to the canteen together.. he had to do prefect duty.. thus i bought my food and ate at the class table.. soon elton came and ate a pao and left to pass the food to leonard.. who was still busy with his compo... shawn came and sat with me and told me that my form tutor was outside our classroom during our chinese period... he was observing our class behaviour.. lucky i was playing a fool.. after recess.. we did another compo.. english... exposition.. wa... i forgotten the leave spacing.. i think its gona be like shyt.. as i did not plan out my work... i think i also repeated my arguement.. anw.. after that.. we had physics.. wa... i was attentive..! yay.. three cheers!... after that.. we had geog.. and i was kinda excited and fasinated with what we were learning... and next was pse... where my teacher grouped us up and we wrote how we feel again people within the group.. all positive comments... and i took it seriously.. when i read what was written about me.. i realise sth.. im a person who helps everyone.. and cheer people up when they are down... even elton.. who was in my group said that i was a person worth to be respected.. though he only say that some of my results are better than his and i do funny actions only.. i was not mad at all.. its not that i was respected by someone i do not communicate much to.. but its that i realise how "big" my role is.. to help everyone and change the mood!.. and the best part was that the night before that.. i manage to consult someone and prevent the person to stop crying... =)... my tutor told us about the holy spirit and that when we think of other people's positive points, we are resurrecting or holy spirit... and i was happy... but in a way i felt sad... i realise that i have not shown my mature side to them at all.. i may be all childish in the outside... but when it comes to help people with their problems... i will help... consulting one another is the least a friend should do... and whenever i help others.. i do not mind sharing my past experiences as i do not want my friends to do what i did before... though such memories does make me cry.. but its worth it.. as im helping someone... anw.. after school... i offered aaron and friends sweets and eugene came and took 5 sweets and just ate it... i was like wth... a**hole.. nvm.. forgive and forget... =)
i went back home for tuition.. and i bought kfc for lunch... yay... i feasted and when the tutor arrive.. i had a tummy ache =(... came out walk in and out in and out and next thing i know.. it was times up... yay...went for floorball and brought samantha along as well.. though she did not do much.. well.. at least she gets to share her problems with my church friends... and they can advice her =)... played floorball.. though i was "on"... i did not score.. as many times i expected... jem injured my hips.. and my knees.. and my knees just recovered and my hips have an old injury... i wore a glove in the end.. for my right hand as it was weak and it was shaking... and after i wore it.. i played hard... and of course.. i disturbed sarah but hitting away her stick.. =P...
it rained.. and after the rain.. we played again.. but before that.. we went for a break( to 7-11) haha...oh ya... during the game.. i slipped and further injured my knees... after the game.. we went for supper and ate.. during the journey to the hawker centre.. i wanted to just fall down as my knee was very weak.. but i stood up strong.. if not i would have just collapsed and roll down into the drain.. anw...drank 2 cups of sugar cane with lemon... shiok... and talked... i was happy.. for awhile.. happy that i was finally able to talk to her.. but ltr on.. i paused and once in awhile.. i may look at her.. haiz.. i was hoping that time will pause now... so that this feeling will not fade away.. but.. soon we had to go.. took the mrt... while samantha took a cab home... when we reached the station.. i topped up my card.. and went up... the stupid lift... nv close.. make me walk up the escalator.. nvm.. the train arrive with a blink of the eye.. i board the train.. and looked at her as the train was moving pass her... and i still had her image stuck in me.. i asked jq questions.. and hoping that she will have the answer for me.. but...no one can predict the future... got off and reached home.. my mum scolded me.. but i ignored her... i felt the sore my my legs and i kneeled down on the floor and bathed... got out and now im having this painful headache.. a sharp pain at the back of the head.. sometimes i just wish that i can just drop down and die.. so that i do not need to suffer from all the pains and problems i have... =)...
(we may think that no one understands you... but they will if you tell them..)

Over and over again - nelly
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah

Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo
I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my headI think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo
(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me thought
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head...

13/9/2006

woke up with a terrible headache...
lucky my dad is bring me to school... yay... when i reach school went to the track for assembly.. sianz... still having massive headache... thinking that i maybe will leave school half way... i looked into my wallet and i realise i was broke.. die... muz eat chicken rice... during recess... when assembly ended... we went back to class.. and went for computer studies... wa piang.. i forgotten everying... anyhow type the program.. and finally i know how to do... than ltr he tell us next week got programming test... die... sure forget one... expect me to remember dim ... as nextform or or let ... as string.. die die... went back to class for info skills.. sianz... talked about ace camp... hope that 211 and 212 will be in the same group... muahaha.. than can be with jem and keith... hahaha... after that.... was physics... wa... listened to him... and feel like sleeping... went for recess.. ate chicken rice.. sianz... BORING!!!... wondered wad was going to be the next period.. and remembered it was Rme... went for class and i covered my face when the teacher was talking.. and i fell aslp.. for the whole lesson.. this was the first time my rme teacher's lesson sound dam boring... i woke up in time and went for chinese... we read a passage and did comprehension.. i was half awake and i anyhow do my work.. she scolded me and she expects me to do badly... and after that.. english... did summary... and i stoned... after english! everyone chiong home.. except leo ievan john and me!... y? we went for physics remedial which lasted for 2 hours... i becoming blurr le.. stupid john chan.. using some weird stupid method trying to make his answers sound correct.. but they arent... when remedial almost end.. i notice the dandruff on his hair... that idiot sweep off the dandruff.. and the dandruff was coming towards me.. i immediatly run away... idiot.. after that.. went home.. stone... very fun right... i know...

14/9/2006

woke up with another headache.. very tired and weak as well.. dad brought me to school and i was giddy.. i looked into my wallet... shyt.. nv ask for money... nvm... went to class went to alex.. ask him to return money.. muahaha chicken rice again!... sianz... first period geog... wa.. talk about marina bay and how singapore reclaim land.. after that.. was...erm... maths?? ya maths.. i practically was staring into space... and wrote on my hand a name.. and everywhere... next period! yay.... not! physics... sianz... talk talk talk.. ok! done! finally!... went for recess... chicken rice.. went back to class... recieve my summary back.. ok did okok.. and we did another.. sian.. i think this one sure suck... anyhow do... after that... 2 period of chinese.. sianz... teacher come in scolding everyone for not doing well for the comprehension and even the china dude in my class was scolded as well.. some ppl's paper was folded.. why? teacher say those whose papers are folded are expected to fail.. i saw the china dude got his papar folded.. and i thought to myself.. ytd anyhow do... sure die.... than she call my name.. i thought i get scolding... NO... MIRICLE!! she complimented on my work.. weeee... and i only -2 marks.. muahaha pro... and did listening comp... i sat next to the cd player.. went deaf... but completed the work... i look at my other classmates... they were sharing answers.. what idiots... after school.. i went to cc to meet jq.. and write something and went off.. for tuition.. wad tuition? chinese.. SIANZ!!! reach home.. slack.. faster do my work.. and slack.... oh ya.. tomorrow must write a expo on forteen years old should not have a relationship with the opposite sex.. do u agree?.. i was like kao.. i sure can do this one.. and i will agree but still i will do it... just write out the problems of a relationship can le... oh ya.. back to home.. reach home slack.. and tutor came.. gave him money.. and continued the tuition.. i anyhow do all the work.. ting xie also anyhow do... sianz... help her make coffee while i drink 100 plus.. and why? because... my lips cracked... pain... after that.. i went into my room slack.. walk out use the com.. slack.. listen to sexyback.. and now.. i gona prepare for tomorrows expo...

11/9/2006
the night before... i had a horrible headache... and decided to take a nap... next day.. i realise that u slpt as u were dizzy... wow... nvm... what brightened up my day was ur sms... and i was smiling happily the whole day.. during break inbetween sessions... i will take out my bible and start reading.... everyone in class called me siao... except of one who said that i have changed my ways.. i sang worship songs during classes... and during info skills... out teacher did not come thus we were "free"... everyone had their private conversation or games... while i sat drawing.. writing out songs and feelings in me... and out of the blue... came out ur name...
i was wondering why.. as i was in a daze... hearts were all around the place.. and so was hope church singapore... 4jyk... floorball... friends from church... i was happy throughout the day... and when school was over, i rushed home for tuition.. and after tuition.. i did not feel well.. and went online... but msn was out of service... thus i had to use windows messanger... those who were smart enough used windows... a few ppl come online and i called keith.. told him my problems... as i realise that i still liked her... and i could not get her off my mind... i decided to go slp after that... and send her a sms... though she mentioned... i was rather confused... and waited for her reply.. but.. she didnt reply... that is what she always do... and i dozed off.. woke up at 1 feeling hot.. and looked at my hp.. 2 message.. neither from her... i became upset and did not reply any messages and fell aslp..

12/9/2006

i woke up feeling all empty.. i was looking around... and did not know where i was.. i banged my face into the wall while walking out of the room.. as i dazed around... i was empty and i did not know what was happening in my surroundings... when i reach school.. i was still as blurr as ever... even after flag raising... when we went back to class.. i slowly gain my senses... dirty jokes were being spread around.. and my form tutor was too participating... we did a composition... and while typing this.. i just remember i did not bring my hw back home... Great... im so screwed... wish i was dead... anw.. after maths and lit.. we went down for recess.. there.. my teacher was praising me for i had changed alot and said that i was enthusiastic... normally.. i will smile and act blur.. but i did not bother about his comments and looked about... i was still lost... my friends in class said that i was very different and said they missed the old me.. and while im typing this.. my concern friend is asking me the same question... to me.. its not that my faith in god is what makes me feel different.. but its the inside... went for pe after recess... i ran barefoot.. and thus.. there was a blister and my blister... after that... i had to borrow my friends slippers.. and i wore a shoe on my right foot and a slipper on the left.. and walked around class... my chinese teacher thought i was playing a fool.. but i did not say anything... i became a joker by singing stupid songs which made the teacher laugh.. and in a way irritated that she pinched me on the back several times.. and she walked away after that.. she returned us the test paper we did last term and i got a 45/60.. i think im the top 5 in class.. as the first boy had 49 and my chairman had 47... i beat the chinese nerd in my class and drew with loy.. and i being a mentor had to be concern with my "client" and i checked how much he had.. and she won the chinese nerd too! but lost to me... but i clapped for him.. as he improved!...
during physics class.. i was bored to death that i fell aslp.. and was caught... after school... edmund aaron kenneth azriel daniel joshua and i went to the near by community center cafe.. where we ate lunch... it was there my vulgar self became to show itself.. i was becoming an ah beng... i controlled myself and kenneth was there complaining that i had change.. and wanted the old me back.. he said that i was mad.. and azriel said that i was all along mad... and kenneth said that i was not as lame and funny as before... thus making me more mad... i ignored them.. said grace and ate my lunch.. after lunch... samantha finally replied my message and said that she will treat me lunch at plaza... but i ate already.. still i met her.. and we studied.. i saw some hope people at bk but did not wave to them.. instead i continued to walk away.. after studying.. i played some pool and went off... samantha and her friends decided to go home and samantha said that she will treat me some black pepper rice thingy.. and at first i agreed but i decided to go home.. as being alone with her makes me think of the past.. and i was empty enough... i rushed off and took harbour front to outram and took my normal route home... when i reached home.. i bathed and change so that i could return my sister's vcd... and pay the fine... after that.. i went back home.. and my parents bought dinner for me.. i could not finish it as i did not feel like eating anything.. why? cause i was full.. full of emptyness and sorrow... i looked at myself in the mirror and reflected... and i decided to try my best to forget her.. as i was adviced to move on and forget about the past... even if there was a possibility of a patch up.. we still have to be ourselves... not only that.. she told me to feel my emptyness by looking for someone else... it was easier said than done... ( li bu cong xin)... that was wad i thought.. should i continue with church.. im not sure.. i will sure to attend cg... wad about floorball?... everytime i see her.. memories appears... and i cant help it but think of her..

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way
(take it to the chorus)

[Chorus]
Come here girl, go head be gone with it
Come to the back, go head be gone with it
VIP, drinks on me
Lemme see what you're twerking with
Look at those hips
Make me smile
Go 'head child and get your sexy on

I'm bringin' sexy back
Them other fuckers don't know how to act
Girl let me make up for all the things you lack
Because you're burning up I got to get it fast

(Take it to the bridge)

Dirty Babe
You see these shackles baby
I'm your slave
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave
It's just that no one makes me feel this way

(take it to the chorus)
Come here girl, go head be gone with it
Come to the back, go head be gone with it
VIP, drinks on me
Lemme see what you're twerking with
Look at those hips
Make me smileGo 'head child and get your sexy on

I'm bringin' sexy back
you mother fuckers watch how I attack
If that's your girl, baby watch your back
Cuz you're burning up for me and that's a fact

Time To Confess....
why have i been having this "mood swing"

Bad Memories... a sense of lonelyness... pissed...most of it comes from depression...

the truth is that im still not over you... still think of you?..
trying to get over it...
some say.. find someone else?...
and thats kinda impossible...
if it was that easy.... i would have done it...
but... its unfair for the opposite party...

some people say that its normal for me to go from one girl to the other....
do they know me... if i've done that in the past... its because i did not take a relationship seriously..
i've been thinking to myself... why cant i get over you...
i still cant find the answer... if you know why... please... tell me why...
the thought of leaving church for the time being came across my head as well...
you say that its your fault..
but its not... if u remember... carefully...
i did say that i will try to help you get over... but.. i didnt...
everytime i hear you telling me about... i listen.. and do not give any comments...
why?... i know that you missed...

ever since than.. i've been crying... thinking...
i had to hold back my tears everytime...
im trying ways to stop me from crying...
everytime i see you.. i have the urge of being with you but...no...
even when i was determine to forget about you.. i just couldnt..
in the past... to me a break up was really nothing as i felt nothing.. while the opposite party was crying and depressed.. and i did not understand why...
well... now i do...

trying to stay happy my smiling to everyone and make a fool of myself... but when i reach home.. i feel lonely again..
everyday... i sit by the computer... not playing... but thinking...
your blog was the only way for me to know what was happening to you..
everytime i talk to you... you tell me about... and yet i kept quiet...
i try to make myself happy by telling myself that you were alright and living well...
and hope you are.. if.. makes you happy.. than so be it...
everytime you ask me... what you can do.. so that i will become my "normal" self...
well.. there is really nothing you can do...

some people tell me to ask for a patch...
that idea have not appear in my head at all... i DONT even dare to think of it...
to me... its obvious that history will be repeating itself... and i will be hurting myself...
not only that.. the pain will be even deeper...

sleeping late every day...
i did not share how i feel at all.. only with keith...
he was to me one who understands..
IF you happen to come across this blog.. congratz.. you have come to a website where i always let out my feelings and thoughts..
and to the others... dont be an a**hole by asking me any questions...

today... i did not even slp at all.. went home and used the com.. and talked to yk...
went to tiong to study.. did not smile at all during the trip to tiong.. and when i arrive.. i went to kfc to meet yk, david, mel and jem... after that.. we went to bk... we sat away from the girls and i did my chinese and maths questions.... i bought sprite ( tasted like barley with sprite ) and a bk fish meal.. and the coke tasted weird as well... did my work and messed around... walked about.. visited the toilet serveral time and kping my friend accompanied... since she was bored... when the day was coming to a close.. joel told us that there was only two people left... i went to investigate.. and i realise that the others have left.. leaving clara and sin yee...
i walked back and did my work... they wanted to eat the last sweet and did not as i stepped on it before.. since clara did not hear me saying that i've stepped on it.. she going to eat it.. and i told her.. and they next thing you know.. she threw the box at me.. i did not tell her to eat RIGHT...
did the last question and we left... i was suppose to go home for dinner... but i decided to tag along with the rest... and ate dessert while they had their dinner...when the guys and gals were busy ordering their food... i was sitting alone at the table tending on their stuffs.. as i sat there.. i thought to myself.. and i cried.. when i notice jq and sy returning to their sit.. i immediately wiped off my tears and acted "normal"... when jarvin returned with his food.. i went to order my dessert.. said grace and ate... after the whole thing.. i had a massive brain freeze and decided to return home.. jq accompanied me.. and we waited for the train.. and clara came down.. i wanted to walk away to the end of the train.. but i did not want show that i wanted to be left alone... thus i just lean against the glass and looked out... soon pasir ris train came.. and clara boarded the train.. i looked at the reflection of the glass and saw boon lay mrt arriving.. thus i boarded and kept queit.. listening to my mp3... jq and i entered marina bay and sat.. when i step out of the train.. i rushed home... and wanted to be alone... reached home.. on the computer... warmed my dinner.. and ate.. after dinner i used the computer.. but my dad wanted to use it.. thus i took a shower and came out.. and used the computer... life sucks..

9/9/2006

Received 3 sms when i woke up.. sianz... who leh... one by you wei, the other by jy... and the other was .... jq... asking if i was going for study session.. i looked at the time.. 12... wow... missed study session... ok... go bath and attened service.. left my house right after i finished bathing... i missed a bus and boarded the next... woah..sianz... sat down and slacked... reached orchard... and rushed to church.. called jem and i happen to see him on the 4th floor... wow.. and met up with him and went into the audi... saw zach... and yk... who was sitting next to joel... sat next to them.. and danny came.. jin qi sat next to me and prayer meet began... prayed.. and prayed... had 4min of rest time and i looked around and saw.... blah blah blah jin qi than saw my real self and i was daoing.. ppl.. and really could not be bothered... frowned throughout prayer meet.. service started... we went down.. i sang out loud and jumped like a retard... so that all my troubles will vanish.. well at least for that 2 hours of service.. after the singing and jumping! i thought to myself.. if i continue to be myself.. i will not be making anyone's day... and instead... make ppl pissed.. or even upset.. so i became my "normal" self... smiled.. throughout.. and service ended.. instead of going to starhub for dinner.. we went to meridien.. why? cause starhub was packed... so.. we went to some where else... ate kimchi fried rice.. and why? because i wanted to eat sth spicy... bought jy yami yogurt.. and went for central b meeting... where zach was preaching... i listened attentively.. and i learned a few things.. devotion... we should stay devoted to someone or something... and that included religion... and if we do not believe in this religion.. we should be at home and rather not attend church... and decisions as well... played with yk's bouncing ball.. after playing with it.. i took it and used it as a weapon... to hit June's head.. muaha.. when she got hold of the ball.. she chased me.. and threw the ball.. and i made a conclusion... that her speed was very slow... and her accuracy.. was 0%... as the ball ended up on the road... stupid sia... anw... went to play lan.. and got trashed... sianz... i decided to go home instead of following the others for supper... jem later told me that he was leaving as well.. thus we went off together... we went into an indian mama shop and the things they sold was dam ex.. so jem did not buy anything.. while i bought lemon tea.. and we went to old chang kee.. and bought curry puff... and he ate finish his... so i gave him mine but he ate half and returned it to me.. so i just finish it.. and when we reached the mrt.. we took different lanes.. he took the jurong east train while i went to outram and took boon lay than marina bay.. he said that my way was slower.. but today i proved to him that its faster... as when he reached his stop.. i was reaching mine as well.. muahaha... told ya so... reached home.. called keith and talked to him and told him my problems... haiz... i read the bible and came online... wahahaha.. sian...

Last Night... I watched a show called " the nun " and the show did not make any sense at all... i thought to myself... What A Show... What Time is it.. 0430am.. wow.. hahaha.. bam.. i slept.. i woke up at 7.. and my sis asked.. what time is ur tuition.. and i said 9... and i forgotten it was suppose to be 11.. oops.. i did not bother at first and continued to slp... i was woken up by my sis again and looked at the time its 9!.. and she said.. stupid tutor nv come.. and i just flipped and continue slping and said good lor.. i can slp... soon.. my hp rang.. my tutor smsed me... i will be late so will arrive at 11.30.. i woke up and was like oh ya its 11.. and slpt again.. soon.. there was this irritating sound... DING DONG DING DONG.... Wa... so noisy.. looked at the clock.. omg.. 11.30.. his here.. chiong ar.. go open the door let him in and went to wash my face and brush my teeth... walked out of the toilet and leaped to my parents bed and slpt... for 1 min.. haha... stood up.. rushed to the study room and sat.. maths.. maths.. and more maths.. wa.. sianz... he went to the toilet and i was there.. busy smsing... why? because central c had to have cg dinner today... and because of that.. it means that there will not be many ppl playing floorball.. thus.. there will be soccer.. sian... okok... when the tutor came back.. i was blasting my music on the com and stopped the song... i was frowning.. and stared at him... and he asked.. why the sudden change of expression.. i wanted to say.. this is me.. but.. i didnt i smiled and say.. im playing a fool... -.-"...
i looked at the time... another hour! omg... soooo long!!!... went through english and off he went.. i dragged myself to the computer and blasted the music again... and played... SIAN LA.. after smsing and msning... and gaming.. i got myself ready for floorball.. haiz..sianz... took my knee gut and off i went.. bought newpaper and boarded the train.. read the newspaper and saw someone complaining about sports school winning medals... and that they should not participate in nationals at all.. haha.. u think they care?... haiz... while on the train.. i looked out and glanced at the street soccer court and was like is that joel in acs(i) shirt?... omg... when i went to the court.. i realise that he is really wearing acs(i) shirt... wore my stupid ugly shoe and put on my knee gut and played.. jq was like.. u sure u can play anot.. hellooooo.. i kinda dance with such an injury... and i continued playing.. played played.. cut things short la.. melvin jarvin jem youwei and i was playing against some bukit merah guys.. (soccer) and whenever i stood infront the the opponent and defend.. i realise that my legs were doing dancing moves.. and jq saw me doing it... omg.. twisted m ankle and rested... took me 30min to just recover.. kooll.. and i stopped playing and decide to talk to joanne.. haiz... ok.. blah blah blah... and walked off.. after they played.. we went for dinner.. dinner.. yaya.. blah blah.. and went off.. joel was like upset in some way.. did not ask him.. jq you wei and i boarded the train and he decided to board the next train.. i ran up and down like a retard as i knew that i was gonna show a little of the real me to jq after talking to each other... stayed with you wei till we reached clementi where he left and i ran back to the last carriage and talked to jq.. when we boarded the marina bay train at jurong.. i was kinda revealing myself.. and i did not smile much at all... when we reached bukit batok.. i was kinda going to cry le... but held back my tears and pretending that i was procastinating... when we reached cck.. i just got off and walked home.. when i reach home.. i slacked on the sofa and went to bath.. i stayed in the toilet for a long time and why is that so?... i was drowning myself... shiok... and after that.. i ate a small piece of chicken wing and now... im f*c* e*... and did not really care wad is ppl typing to me..

the cutting may have stopped.. but the cut in me is still bleeding..
happy i may seem... but deep in me.. im still upset...
the injuries i have is minor to me... as the injury within me needs to be healed first..

6/9/2006
Baptisted Through Holy Spirit Today!

attended meta today at church..wow... thats wad i had in my head.. wow.. haha
i woke up at 7++am.. jq called my hp and wanted to call me i think around 9-10? but i did not answer... was by the com =p... was listening to (down) the whole morning.. and stopped it. and played audition... muahahaha... i can do FINISH MOVE!! hahaha.. muahaha... heeheehee..
Hey look at the time! OH SH*T Im late!! gg.. gop bath and off i went.. took 190... and there i was.. standing... listening to my mp3... aaah... DOWN AGAIN!... was rather upset and down.. and when i reached centre point to meet jq joel keith and jeremiah... but when i arrived.. i saw keith,joel,jq but no jem... i was like huh.. JEM REACH LATER THAN ME? haha... nvm... we stood infront of centre point like retards... and jq was still wearing here jacket... WHEN ITS WAS DAM WARM!!.. omg... after waiting for ONE HOUR! Jem and Gabriel Ho arrived.. at meridien.. kao.. nvm nvm.. we met at starhub and i was like wa piang... sianz... thought gabriel was tagging along with us... but nooo.. he came all the way to orchard for lunch and do home.. diaoz... oh ya.. We Went Late For Meta... missed the first 2 teachings... sad huh... anw.. after lunch.. ppl from church all came out for lunch break.. and we were like.. wad to do now.. since we have eaten.. and gabriel was going home le.. sooo.. we walked him to the bus stop.. and took the "long" route back to church and went up... where i was playing with a balloon flower.. muahaha.. sooo fun... "ya rite"... did that to keep my head preoccupied... after waiting for awhile claire came.. wooohoo.. and she said that i was like those neighbourhood school guys... cant blame me if i was born looking like one.. haha... yay.. the door is open... and in we went.. and saw someone.. the person who said that hockey ppl were cool and end up smashing the ball on the floor which deflected and hit her head.... SARAH... chinese name... hahaha.. "sala" salad... haha.... i was like omg... okok.. next to her.. was jessie( not sure if this is really her name) who took celeste track suit and wore it.. i was like wa... that gal is soooo and cool man...and i slapped myself and say.. man u are an a** we sat down and was writing down notes... and we played a stupid game.. called.. look for pieces of sheeps all over the threate.. and was like omg.. dun wan to play la.. so many ppl walking around.. joel found 5 and stopped searching haha... oh ya.. there was 9 pieces required.. sooon later.. it was time for another game.. we had to go to heren.. cathay(cini).. meridien and og.. to look for ppl who wore a band on their hand and there we have to get our answers from but.. it was not easy as some of the people were imposters.. and some were completely strangers who happen to just pass by hahaha.. pity those ppl... oh ya.. the word is god was.. yummy... haha.. stupid sia... haha... anw... jq was like WE MUST WIN SOMETHING... and when they started the game we rushed off.. we only had 30mins.. and thus.. we hurried.. we ran down the stairs and jq thought we were already running off to do the game but me and jem went to the mama shop instead to buy sweets... HAHA... okok.. we became serious... so.. we went to cini first.. there was a human jam infront of centre point as everyone were rushing off to get the prize but when we reach there, we looked around and went to the basement.. why? caus i needed the toilet..haha.. when we reached the basement.. i rushed to the toilet and when i came out.. they found the person WHO HAPPENS TO BE AT THE BASEMENT haha... cool sia.. and we did not want other groups to know who was the person and me jem and joel were like walking around looking about.. haha... next stop heren... aiyo.. red light cannot cross... haiz.. the camera man came omg.. look cute jq!! we said.. hahah.. they wanted to follow us but we manage to get them to follow another team haha... we entered heren and it was obvious who the person was as there was a crowd around her.. we waited for our turn and rushed to meriden foodcourt.. me keith ran like mad to meriden to look for the person while joel was still behind us... jq and jem went to og to look for the person first... me and keith walked one round the foodcourt and called jq saying that we cant find the person and wait a min.. there was a person who was wearing a band waving at us.. at first we thought he was an imposter... and joel came.. we were suspicious.. and was like who cares la.. do forfeit than forfeit lor... and went there EH.. he was really the person who got the answers woohoo!! and the best part was that he was busy drinking green tea.. i think.. haha.. we wrote the answers and RAN again to og.. man.. i think i sure can get A for next 2.4 again... haha.. oh ya oh ya.. keith almost got ran down by the car.. keith keith... next time watch out for the cars.. aiyo... while running we met jq and jem and they found the person who was hiding behind a pillar.. haha.. got the answers and we ran back to church ARGH... Jem was like shouting i want the prize!!! MY XBOX 360!! hahahaha.... i was like HAHA laughing but continued running... when we arrived ppl who stayed back saw us and was like HUH.. u complete le? siao ar?... haha... YES WE DID IT.. WE got FIRST!!! YAY... muahahahha 3 trackers a hocker and a girl who did not exercise for a long time.. haha.. she went around complaining that we ran like mad.. but hey.. you told us that u wanted the prize ok.. haha.. and Yk came.. aiyo.. so late than come.. but nvm.. haha... keith and i went to the toilet for wad? comb hair.. haha... after the top 3 team arrived.. we tried to call the others back through the cell pone.. grace fell down.. during the game.. duno how.. june thought it was someone else who fell and did not bother.. and after i told her that it was her sis who fell she was like HUH!! how she fall one? and rushed off to look for her.. haha... we rested.. daniel came up and preached... we once again took down notes.. it was time for a break.. i ate yong tau foo.. again.. haiz... after dinner break we went up.. and waited for the door to open... we looked at the time and it was 6.40 le.. keith had to go off for dinner with his parents and after a few minutes, we were allowed to entered.. I JUMPED LiKE MAD WOOHOO!!! we paused and prayed to god and i was crying.. but i wiped them off so that no one know.. shhh.. haha.. soon later i was time.. time for me to be baptisted through the holy spirit.. i was excited.. and my knee hurt badly.. duno why... and i sat down while the others gathered next to me.. joel and i were baptisted.. we went through prayer after prayer and repanted on our sins... after joel and i were baptisted, we spoke in tongues... and after all the prayer.. it was time for more worship!!! woohoo.. i stood up and jumped for joy.. sang.. clapped.. and after a while i turned my head.. it was jessie.. WOAH... WAIT!!! STOP!! FULLSTOP!!! CONCENTRATE! and i SANG LOUDER AND JUMPED HIGHER!! WOOOHOOO!! after awhile.. the drummer was extremely exhausted... WE CHEERED AND HE SMILED AND SAT DOWN AGAIN AND BAM!! WE JUMPED AGAIN!! joel jem and i SHOUTED!!! haha... and shouted again.. some where at the end of the worship!! wooohoo... we decided to go for supper at ps.. and jq left home because she was too tired.. bringing the prize with her for tomorrow's cg... for central B to share!..i ate soursop and took bus home after that... smsed jy for sarah number and stalked her.. haha... played a fool and made her guess who i was.. haha... after that.. i told her this which lead her to the answer of who i was.. omg.. YOU LOUSY HOCKEY PLAYER and she was like WHAT?? JOSHUA?? haha.. jackpot!.. its ME!! haha.. smsed her after that and she fell aslp.. omg.. haha... oh ya.. kinda got jessie number as well =p... sorry la... cannot know more ppl ar? haha.. reached home and became all sad again. tried to think a game for cg while joel who was suppose to help.. was busy with sth.. duno wad also... haiz.. i found a stupid game and went to slp... nightz...

7/9/2006

huh? morning le? omg... okok.. wake up.. nonono... i fell aslp again.. haha... my chinese tutor came.. and had tuition.. and when it ended i was like Yay! on the computer and walked away again.. haha... and sarah apologised for slping while smsing yesterday.. haha.. nvm nvm.. and she called me a beaver... omg... anw.. i went back to the computer and played audition... and went to do my maths... i called my maths tutor and arranged a time for tomorrow to have tuition as in the late afternoon i had floorball.. yay... and the tuition ended to be early in the morning.. haiz... not that early though... 11-1.. haiz.. okok.. i continued on my work and went off to meet jq.. so that she will bring me to the place where cg was held.. we arrived at 3.50? and waited for the others.. mark came followed by jarvin and melvin.. wow.. they were not late! gdgd.. and the best part was that sy and others lost their way! haha... the "xbox360" was infront of me and i remembered that i had not eaten and im gonna get a gastric attack if i dun eat anything soon.. but i did not open it.. melvin.. in the end opened it up and took out a huge packet of lays... he opened it up after the permission was given by jq.. after waiting for near an hour they found their way... haha.. so retarded... ok.. we started with games.. we played "honey i love you can u please smile for me?" and was stupid... 2 ppl had to do a forfeit and they were jq and yk haha... they did the chicky dance.. haha.. amusing.. haha... took a video of them doing it.. haha... and we continued with worship.. and sang and jq told us that half way during prayer she remembered a verse in the bible.. and jarvin continued from there.. and all of the sudden when we were speaking in tongues he said amen... i was like HUH??? nvm nvm... next it was holy commun... and we passed the bread around and wrote our sins down on a piece of transparency.. and i learned a new word.. it was procrastinate... it means.. doing nth when ur suppose to do something... something like that..haha.. and after along cg.. we went to mac... oh ya.. alot of things happened.. its only that i lazy to type out "in cg i mean"... we went mac.. and while eatting we were talking about movies.. everything was fine until jarvin purposely asked me about click.. that was the show i watched with.. and it took me long to forget my pass memories.. and i admit that i may still have feelings for her but.. trying to stop it.. =)... but at that time i was struck.. it was like sth pierced through my heart.. i felt hurt.. past memories went through my head.. emptyness reappeared in me... i felt upset.. did not say anything tried to get myself occupied and watched as jem and zack was challenging to who can say the most number of food on the mac menu... after that.. jq and jem was going off.. i was still blurr.. and upset.. i followed them but they boarded their bus first.. i sat there and thought to myself.. i prayed.. and the bus came.. i boarded the bus and listened to my mp3.. i tried to get myself preoccupied.. but i cried.. infront of everybody on board of the bus... i prayed hard that this emptyness within me will stop and i changed the song.. god answered my prayers... the song salvation is here was played!!! i hopped and sang on my way home... man.. THX GOD!! WOOOHOOO!!!

Salvation is here

God above all the world in motion

God above all my hopes and fears

And I don't care what the world throws at me now

I'm gonna be alright

Hear the sounds of the generations

Making loud our freedom song

All in all that the world would know Your name

It's gonna be alright

Cause I know my God saved the day

And I know His word never fails

And I know my God made a way for me

Salvation is here

Salvation is here

Salvation is here and He lives in me

Salvation is here

Salvation that died just to set me free

Salvation is here

Salvation is here and He lives in me

Salvation is here

Cause You are alive and You live in me

Confusion 4/9/2006

YES.. IM CONFUSED
yes.. i was.. church.. to stay commited? i know that...
anw... woke up... looked about.. felt rather happy.. and sang out loud... ooooh.. look at that.. my mum cooked me lunch... wow... sian... when i thought i was able to cook for myself... hey look at that!! my computer!.. sianz.... kick it on.. and... walk away... hahaah... duno why... went to watch tv... and thought to myself... SIAN!!! okok.. went and play gunbound... weeee... that 15min of excitement was sooooooo sian....yes... monday... SO SIAN... duno why.. if only im in school.. at least not that sian... got ppl to talk to... oh ya... i woke up at 12... siao... abit shiok though... haha...
was suppose to have tuition at 4 de... but my tutor got into an accident.. nothing except his car was damaged... wa... sian.. waited for so long than when i call him than he tell me... wa lao.. tell me earlier than i can go my couz house le wad... omg... did some hw.. and played audition... man i missed their music... make me wanna dance... but.. too bad.. hip injury... T.T.... STILL i can sing!
yay... though i still have a little sore throat but.. WHO CARES!!... than sth happened... blah blah blah.. not for anyone to know... than... i went out for bball... and came home... and slack..

5/9/2006

ok... i was suppose to meet yk for study and shepherding... at 2.15... in the morning.. while i was still aslp.. he smsed me.. say make it 1+++ than i was like wa lao and slp again... and another sms was sent to me.. make it 2... i was like WT... and slp again.. woke up.. hey look at the time its 12! go slp again.. woke up WA 1... not bad! go bath.. siao... ok! wore all white.. cool... NO DUN THINK OF HOW U LOOK U MORON!! that was wad i said to myself.. i was about to leave.. but i paused.. i turned.. my sis.. she is sick.. ooooh man.. i cant just leave her at home alone!... omg omg.. yk smsed me and asked where was i.. and he said he just left chinatown.. i was like... wad?? i thought u go school? still got time to go back home.. but nvm la.. so i left.. i called my sis bf hp... and guess wad.. my sis answered the phone.. i was like.. huh.. my sis bf not at home why she answer??? than i realise the pone was deverted to her hp.. told my sis to eat the porridge made by my mum and i will be back between 6-7 so that i will go to the clinic and get a number for her.. she said ok.. and i was relieved... i went off and hurried to holland v.. where i dun even know where it is.. reached buona vista.. and saw yk waiting for me... wa his hair so cool sia... nvm la.. we walked to holland v.. and i was like i hate places like this.. so deserted... and my difination of deserted means.. so little teens.. =p haha.. walk and walk.. hey look at that crystal jade... i thought that crystal jade was a place where u buy jewellery.. but nooo it was crystal jade kitchen.. and next to it was.. crystal jade CAKE.. i was WAD!!! and next to it was crystal jade RAMIAN! siao!!! WTH... nvm!! turned left and there it was bk... the place where i was about to spend my afternoon in.. went in.. walked up and there.. i saw church friends... ahhh... family.... haha... sat down.. walked down.. bought bacon meal.. went up said grace... and ate.. =p... i was craving for CHILLI!! wooooohooo ate chilli and took more.. muahahaha... okok.. after meal.. me and joel was being shepherd by yk! haha.. yay... we did out memorise verse and WE GOT CHOCOLATE!! and joel took away the white chocolate!! not fair.. i had to have the normal chocolate.. ewww... disgusting... became thirsty after eatting.. and jin qi came! woooohooo someone to teach me my maths! YES!! muahahaha went down and bought chicken cheese sticks and a large coke light.. which tasted like a mixture of grape and coke... eww.. still.. i drank it.. did my maths hw.. waaa.. got graph.. do it another day... ok.. did a few questions and listened to jq ipod.. lala.. wow church songs! wooohooo lalalala.. blah blah blah.. and look at the time.. i need to rush home to bring my sis to the doctor.. when i reached home, it was near 7... got a number 309... i looked at the number and it was 304... ok got time.. i called my sis and told her to hurry.. and the lady called me back and told me 307.. i was like WAD.. okok.. normally ppl will take a long time.. but this time.. woah so fast... with a blink of a eye.. it was 306!! i was like.. WHERE ARE YOU SIS!!! and wa.. ding dong ding dong.. wa... FRIGHTEN ME... NOT MY SIS TURN YET!!.. okok.. and there she was.. walking gracefully... ON THE ROAD... wa lao... wait so long le.. okok.. just in time... her turn.. went it.. she looked like a retard to me.. oh ya.. she told me she was going to participate superstar... this saturday.. and told me to accompany her.. than i was like i got service.. wad time is ur superstar thingy.. and she said in the morning.. i said no... caus i know that i will have to wait.. wait and wait.... and next thing u know.. service start... haiz.. so na... and i was like u sick go wad superstar... she said.. thats why come see doctor wad.. i was like orh... i care ar... ok after that we went to buy waffle.. siao... than went to ntuc... bought things.. and alot of packet noodles... ns.. haha.. BOUGHT YAMI YOGURT!! WOOO HOOO.. AUNTIE!! PEACH WITH ALOT OF PEBBLE TOPPINGS!!! muahahahahhaha....
bought a LARGE ONE for my dad.. muahahha.. went home.. wooohooo... use the com.. sian.. i sound happy right.. but when i sat down infront of the com.. i paused.. and looked around.. and i was... alone... unhappy again... empty.. went online.. wanted to play dota.. to keep the emptyness away... and it did.. for awhile.. after the game.. i was depressed.. i thought to myself.. why am i like that.. ever since i knew.. i felt happy again.. happyness that i was unable to find for the pass 2 years! and i found it again.. but i lost it after awhile.. there.. i was.. sitting.. quietly.. in a daze.. i cried... im just down... empty.. deep inside.. i wanted to shout out loud.. just to have someone to understand me.. someone i can hold and someone i can lie on whenever i was down... the happyness i had was just a pass memory which i can easily forget.. but the pain of being empty was still in my head...

I can't believe it, tell me i am dreaming that we are still we.
It was amazing said you were lucky that you found me.

It was on a rainy day that we met, you didn't have a place to go.
As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry i can't take it, why you fake it, why did we kiss.

And i'm just down, you've left me with a note and without a sound.
I've figured i must stop being such a child. You'll never know how much i've been around.
How my heart just frowns on your down
I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your cloud, i'll take round and round
And if you don't mind i could be your standing ground
Even if that means i'll drown.

As we just met so lets go slow but no you just told me to keep you from the cold
Sorry i can't take it, why you fake it, why did we kiss.

And i'm just down, you've left me with a note and without a sound.
I've figured i must stop being such a child. You'll never know how much i've been around.
How my heart just frowns on your down
I'll be your teddy bear, i'll be your cloud, i'll take round and round
And if you don't mind i could be your standing ground
Even if that means i'll drown.

And baby that will be my one last vow

Yawnz... (go rain go rain its raining its raining) my handphone went...
samantha called me.. i told her i cant meet her in the morning for adult service.. and why... i had to collect money from my dad... sooooo slpy...
heart of god church.. hmmm how is it gonna be like... i wondered.. as i stared at the computer...
look at the time!... i gotta meet samantha.. at ps.. soooo far.. but nvm... off i went... slp on the bus.. and my hp rang when i was at far east plaza.. it was samantha.. asked where i was... okok... reach ps le.. now where is she.. called here... asked me where she can find me.. i said second lvl.. why... caus i went toilet... haha... walked and walked and she called again.. asked where was i.. and the best part was that i was standing infront of here talking to her... omg...
made me went all the way up to the arcade to wait for NOBODY and make me walk all the way down to the basement to wait again... finally ONE of the person she was waiting melissa arrived along with kenneth.. introduced to each other and stood there like a retard... oh ya.. im not samantha stead -.-".... anw.. i got slapped by her a total of 4 times.. FOR NOTHING... This gotta stop Ya know that is not all.. she also hit me alot of times leh wa siao one sia haha... walked slowly.. while they rushed... waaaa... walk so fast... traffic light still red wad... chiong for wad... haiz.. reach to hogc church le.. and i was like coool.. went into the auditorium.. so small but nvm.. its the quality... at the start.. i was kinda blurr... love their singer.. haha.. look kinda cool to me.. Pastor Joakim from sweden came down and talked to us.. man.. kinda intresting.. wrote down notes and pointers... oh ya.. before that... they had a challenge between chij Sjc and Chs... to which school will have more people... and the winning school will get to enjoy 60 Pizzas!!! siao.. and guess who won... CHIJ SJC!!! whoooooh!!! but they invited others for the feast... when i saw chs.. i was like.. i wonder if my couz is here.. GUESS WAD!!! after service I SAW HIM!!! omg... and he went to tell his mum (my aunt) that i have a gf... which i dont.. wad an ass... nvm.. slacked around the place after service.. ivan brought me around.. introduced to loads of ppl and wow.. they even provide xbox, playstation and even computers... -.-" cooooool man... went into the gallery... stupid samantha so blurrr... stand infront of her also cannot see.. still call and ask WHERE ARE U... lol... before the service.. she told me to wait for her... and after the service she asked me... you waiting for me ar... Wt...NVM... couz ran around mad... samantha took my couz name tag and wore it.. diao... and after spending about 1hour plus there... i was used to it.. oh ya.. i saw the kid central lady.. for gotten her name le.. but cool sia.. but she was wearing the kid central shirt... not so cool after all... haha.. we went for dinner, including samantha friends... at ps.. food court... haha... laughed joked... haha... got beaten and molested by samantha... omg T.T... SAVE ME!!! the aunty at the nearby stall was complaining.. telling us to lower down our volume.. sam was there laughing like a little child.. just say haha at her and she will laugh again... boo... haha... time to go back... yay... had to make samantha return my couz his name tag.. if not will get scolding XD... took down their hp numbers and took harbourfront.. to outram and boon lay than marina bay... wow... if i took jurong east.. longer... nvm .. slp in the train.. was extremely exhausted.. reached home.. i regained my energy... went to bath.. and lied on the bed... stood up on the computer and became smsing ppl from hogc... and ask for their hotmail... and now.. i guess im should be going to hogc... haha... but hope.. i will STILL GO!! haha...

1/9/2006
woke up listening to "shout to the lord"... haiz.. looked around... thought to myself.. wad do i have today... caregroup... tuition... and nothing else... SI BEH SIAN NA!!!
brushed my teeth and used the computer... cannot go in audition... nvm.. played dota...
-wtf.. wow... so gay... nvm...
looked at the time EH! 1200 liao.. omg.. late for cg... took a shower and off i went.. went to switch off my computer first.. eh... joel still online... asked... u not going to cg ar.. kao.. he slept infront of the com... lucky i woke him up.. if not im the only guy at cg... cg at where? ikea... siao.. so far...
wth... nv alight at the correct stop! over shot! walk back -.-"... reach cg.. sms jq... is jem and yk there.. she said no.. WA PIANG!!! nvm... went inside to look for her.. huh... y central b2 also here... orh.. combine cg.. nvm.. joel came 5mins later... yk at home slping not coming.. jem and keith playing lan.. dotz!.. than i come here for wad!!! somemore i dragged myself out of the house sia... played a stupid game... wa walked through a maze... take soooo long to walk out of ikea... finally finish the game le.. we lost... nvm... went to bk to eat... hate the food there... nvm ba... hungry... oops... i burped.. did not expect it to be so loud.. =P... played murderer... lame sia.. grace no reaction de... dun even know she died... anw.. went back with jq.. 4pm got tuition... jq had to go chalet... wa.. reach home just on time.. the tutor reached my house 2min earlier... nvm.. here comes the part which PISSED ME OFF... he came to my house and tell me.. " i actually want the tuition to be tomorrow morning.." i was thinking... "can/t u just call me and tell me that??" he read my mind! " i lost ur contact number thus was not able to call u..." i was like "orh.. so" than he realise that i still had my flu.. and said.."eh!, u still have ur flu ar... i having headache now... thats why i wanted the tution to be tomorrow"... i was like "tell me now for wad... since u here have tuition la...." and he said... "i think we have tuition tomorrow better" !!!
WHAT!!! make me rush all the way back home and tell me dun want to have tuition... and change it to tomorrow??? gave him my contact and stoned at home... that is when i have theis sense of emptyness within me again... i was like.. why do i feel like this?? I FEEL LIKE CRYING! and i did... i cried... for 1hour... couldnt stop myself.. i felt very upset.. did not tell anyone about it.. i do not feel like going out with my family anymore.. i wanted to be with someone who can understand me... but no understands me... the emptyness hurts... my sis and father, along with me couz, went out to fetch my mum and went for dinner... i sat at home.. went crazy... i did excercises to tire myself out.. so that this emptyness within me will disappear.. but it didnt.. soon later.. i cried again.. till one of my sister friend came to play majong... i let him in and acted that nothing happened... i sat infront of the computer and dazed... soon later, my family returned.. my sister and friends played majong while i was beside them msning.. i did not know what to do.. i felt that i did not have a purpose in my life... and talked to ppl who i "think" can make me happier... but.. nope.. watch army daze... haha... yes.. it made me laugh... but after awhile.. i was back to myself again.. all depressed... went to my room and stared at the ceiling.. i stood up, opened the window.. and looked up.. i wondered how will it be like... to be up there.. in space... to discover the unknowns... closed myself.. felt as though i was swimming in the deep blue sea.. where all the creatures are.... whales... are one of the fascinating creatures i know... and bam.. i was back to reality.. i hugged my leg.. and cried again... yes.. im a boy... i shouldnt be crying... but i have emotions... i was lost... did not know wad to do... after awhile i shut my eyes and fell aslp...

2/9/2006

woke up.. its 955... the tutor will be coming soon... ding dong... here he is.... i am so "excited"... yay... 2 hours of tution... haha... so hungry -.-... tuition was over... yay.. on my computer... and went to slp... diao rite... why? cause i felt empty again... i decided to take a cold bath.. and meet jem and keith... waiting for them at the mrt... dam long... read the newspaper... haha... not funny... sian na... finally here they come.. take mrt all the way to orchard.. wa.. so long.. sian na.. i was hungry... really hungry... took out a packet of pocky... no ordinary packet of pocky.. but a strwberry flavour pocky... ate it.. did not get the chance to eat my lunch.. went for service... clap and jumped sang my voice out!!! ARGH!!! i wanted to scream out loud!! i wanted to release the pain in me!!! but i couldnt... pastor jeff made us laughed as he joked and told us his stories... sharing... courage... after everything.. one last song.. before we went off... i couldnt bear to leave.. so i decided to sing out loud to god.. and i did.. went to starhub for dinner finally i can EAT! yong tou fu... ns.... said grace and BAM!!! i ate... makes me feel like eating it again... after the meal.. jem joel and i went to play lan.. practically trashed the other team..(on bnet) in dota... joel went to join yk for a movie.. and than it came to me again.. movie.. saturday night... felt like crying.. but jem was next to me.. we continued walking towards douby ghaut mrt.. i turned and i saw 2 groups of ppl behnd meridien.. meeting.. ppl from my church... and than it came to be again.. saturday night.. walked passed there and saw... the sense of emptyness came back to me again.. tried to make myself happy... and make a fool out of myself.. but didnt.. entered the train with jem and we played KOF on gameboy.. after he left.. i was alone again.. i turned off the gameboy and dazed... i went off the train at cck and walked home... every step i took... made me think.. wad is my purpose.. why do i feel like this and so on... reached home.. i took a shower and came out... argh... the pain... i turned on the tap and drowned myself... i felt like killing myself... so that i do not feel the pain i have in me.. i may look normal.. but i dont.. i make a fool of myself and punk ppl so that i will try to make sure im not feeling depressed again... and now as im typing this blog... the sense of emptyness lingers deep within me..

though it did not last long... my evol is still there... i dont know why... i think really really dekil u..
*samantha... teach me how to cut ******************... u know...